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Day 4 in NaNoWriMo :: it comes by itself

I thought after such an effort at night (to finish doing all I felt I better be finishing then) I would feel like wanting to do nothing now, like I felt on day 2, but no, instead I feel like.. grown up. Like in the end of an exam session in the University, when I was feeling I can learn so much more now!

Maybe the difference is in a stage: a stage of a chaos in the system, or a stage when it went to the higher order. Bill Harris explained these stages:

“Dissipative structures flourish in unstable, fluctuating environments by
being plastic enough to handle the variations and changes in such
environments. The more ordered and complex a system becomes, the more
entropy it must dissipate in order to maintain its existence. Conversely,
each system has an upper limit, due to its level of complexity, of how much
entropy it can dissipate. This is a key point. If the fluctuations from the
environment increase beyond that limit, the system, unable to disperse
enough entropy into its environment, begins to become internally more
entropic, or chaotic.

If the excessive fluctuations continue, the chaos eventually becomes so
great that the system begins to break down until finally a point is reached
where the slightest nudge can bring the whole system grinding to a halt.

This point, which Prigogine called a bifurcation point — bifurcate means
to divide into two branches — is a decision point, a moment of truth.
Either the system totally breaks down and ceases to exist as an organized
system or it spontaneously reorders itself in an entirely new way.
Incredibly, this reorganization is non-causal and non-linear with what
went before — it is in no way predictable from prior conditions. Only the
probability of a certain outcome can be determined. The change is a true
quantum leap, a death and re-birth, and the main characteristic of the new
system is that it has the capability to handle the fluctuations, the input
from the environment, that caused the initial overwhelm and eventual
break-down of the old system. In Prigogine’s words, the system “escapes
into a higher order.”

Out of chaos comes a new order, a more evolved system. This new system has
a new stability and is able to more easily exist in the previously
overwhelming high fluctuation environment. But if fluctuations increase
again to a level beyond the system’s new and higher capacity for dispersion
of entropy, the process will repeat, resulting in new internal chaos and
another reorganization at a new and yet more evolved level.

The human brain is the ultimate dissipative structure, constantly taking in
energy and matter from the environment, constantly dispersing entropy. We
are able to handle amazing amounts of fluctuation from the environment,
encountering all kinds of new ideas, stimuli, and events, handling them
without threat to the system.

But if fluctuations reach a certain critical point, different for each
individual, we begin to feel overwhelmed and become less and less able to
deal with increased environmental input. Eventually, the system (our mental
construct of “what is”) is forced either to break down or to reorganize at
a higher, more evolved level. The process goes something like this: first
things make sense; then, as chaos increases, they no longer make sense any
more; finally, after reorganization, they make sense again, but in a whole
new way, never before imagined.

It is easy to see from the foregoing discussion that certain types of
people will be more likely to reach this “moment of truth” — what Abraham
Maslow called “peak experience” — and give themselves the chance of
“escaping into a higher order.” Those who constantly open themselves to new
ideas and experiences and who are not afraid of feeling a bit overwhelmed
once in a while are more likely to have this type of peak experience and
are therefore more likely to evolve.”

So I’m probably in a higher order now. I do feel like I am capable for more now. Great! :)

In the beginning it felt like writing, quickly, without editing, and I was doubting, if I ever want to stop, go back and edit, ever. And here I am wanting to edit more than to write something new, and what’s delicious for me now, is to write the details of what was only given as a trail, a trajectory, to give it a flesh, to get the juicy details in it, to milk it for more taste, for richer taste.

And I couldn’t see it coming.

It reminds me of Bashar’s “trusting the highest excitement”, about that girl who didn’t always want to do the cleaning for her animals:

(“Bashar – Trusting Your Joy”: video)

It also reminds me the Hero’s Journey in it all: because it’s a journey, and also because I remember that special part of the Hero’s Journey, “just before the dawn”, when it seems the darkest and the goal achievement seems absolutely impossible. And then it does come. Like my editing. :)

It’s a delicious home to be in, my writing, my communicating with the book, being in this space. I’m glad I’m here.

And here’s a video that explained to me why I was intuitively rejecting counting the words:

(“Abraham Hicks 2015 – It’s all about the energy and the energy leads to action”: video)

Taking score!! This is what counting words is! One more confirmation that it’s good (for me) to listen inside. :)

P.S. I’m writing it at the end of the day. Two editings (I mean, in two books) are done. But what I felt in the beginning of the day, that I’m ready – I felt it only when I wasn’t really approaching to do the physical stuff. The physical took me again, releasing it, agreeing, that I do nothing today.

Then 3am, I was called in. Feeling fulfilled now, letting myself speak, in a way that is approved by me now.

Day 3 in NaNoWriMo :: flying, permission, and a journey

I see these days a change in the way I write: it reminds more of what Julia Cameron said in The Right to Write: An Invitation and Initiation into the Writing Life about treading paths, writing more flying drafts instead of stopping and editing at the same time.

I still wonder how it can go, because the energy passes, and then if I don’t finish it at the time of writing, I may not want to come back to it later.

Even though today I saw that I did want to come back to a chapter I wrote as a draft a couple of days ago, and edit it up to “Ready, reread :)”.

Reflection is helping me tremendously, I become more aware and realize things better.

And when I was thinking about the reflection and the changes I’ve been going through, I realized it’s been a journey. A Hero’s Journey? I’ll see. :)

Counting all around adds tension. :) NaNoWriMo website even calls it my Lifetime Achievement (Lifetime Achievement: 0. Really? :)) I don’t give up and don’t count words, as it closes me the flow.

And I think it’s not a journey.. not so much a journey, with the counting. Or at least, not the journey I want to take.

AH sent today a sentence: “When you feel joy, all the circuits are open and the Life Force or God Force can be fully received.”

How precise this is here – in my life journey!

A freakish book showed up today. It started with me thinking about the editing, and wondering if I can go and edit my book, since it’s “not allowed”: this month it’s about writing, not editing.

It took someone else saying they’re doing the editing these days, then I realized I’ve been waiting for the permission, and I was glad they said they were editing as I could take it as a permission slip for me. So much for being a rebel :)

And then I got to Amazon and saw (accidentally, sure!) this book: Stupid On Purpose: The Art of Ignoring Good Advice, Doing Whatever The Heck You Want, and Actually Enjoying Your Life. How is that for an answeet :)

Writing the drafts and then editing has its interesting benefits: a draft gives the feeling that something is already done, that some background exists, a background support exists, so I can go easier.

Andrew Wilkie sent an email today saying “You are enough”. That was good in that place of my journey, too. Or maybe it’s always good :)

I found that I’m coming home to my writing. Much like Elizabeth Gilbert was saying in her TED Talk years ago:

(“Your Elusive Creative Genius”: video)

This month is like an excuse for me, to spend time in writing more, to contribute to it more, to take time in it more. I only want to do it earlier in the day. I’ll see how I can do it. Ah, I’ll see how I align about it! Yes.

P.S. And I realized now, that I’m saying all I want to say, OMG! Dream came true. So quickly, I only said it two days ago.

Day 2 in NaNoWriMo :: redesigning the purpose

Some of my tuning in and realizations:

“I’m trying to squeeze from me the physical writing of the book.
This is not the goal.
The goal isn’t to harass me into the writing,
nor to align me into the writing,

my goal is going into the Vortex in the stream of this subject.

My goal is to soften, soothe any thoughts I have about that.

My goal is to find the joyful spark, tread the joyful path,
find ease in it,
lighten up,
align so,
that the expression of this stream in my life turns to be answeets, ease, fun.

My goal is just to feel better!
And if this is the subject that rises up in me now –
then this is where I will align in,
and it will turn into the Happiness it is,
it will show me its bright side it already has.
It already has.
My work is to tune in, to see it.

And it is interesting,
all this theme is interesting,
and I love writing,
I’m going to write :) now I’m interested in it more.

Or not, I’m not that interested yet: it’s not Hell Yes yet.
So back to aligning.

But it already feels better,
and I have the feeling, that I stepped up from where I’ve been.
That’s what’s important.
The results will show up by themselves –
and whether they are expressed in writing or in anything else
(oh and I want it to be expressed in writing, because now I want to write!)
I love it that I feel better now already!”

I made a clip today from one other AH clip I found on YouTube (I left only the delicious part of it, the useful part for me, and gave it a name that was delicious for me. Source really enjoys it through me :))

Here it is:

(“Abraham-Hicks – Rampage of Happy Writing (good for NaNoWriMo)”: video)

Happy Writing! :)
Or softer: Happy Feeling! :)

First day of NaNoWriMo! Are you participating?

I’m in, but I’m officially a “rebel” – got this term from the wonderful Laura Roberts’ book I recently accidentally got, A Cheater’s Guide to NaNoWriMo: Tips, Tricks and Hacks for Winning This November (Write Better Books Book 1): I’m subscribed to a newsletter of free book promotions on Amazon, since I had my books submitted there, and this book appeared there.

I didn’t even know at the time of getting this book I want to participate :)

But all the appearing details, all was contributing to this my desire to participate.

Especially Laura’s book, which from a perceivedly rigid notion of pursuing the goal of 50000 words in a month, and writing a novel (and I write non-fiction) – took it to an event I can take on my terms, thinking what’s best for me.

And I defined my goal as finding this place of writing where I can freely say what I have to say. This is the month of Freedom in this sense. :)

And I see that my writing changed already:

  • I started to write freer, the way I write when I do a lot of Morning Pages for days.

  • I sat writing in the middle of the day! I usually felt like I needed justification for it, like I was self-indulging in writing. I was dreaming of the time when I’m able to sit and write, feeling the full right to do it. So my dream came true!!!

  • I’m used to write every chapter almost immediately from start to finish, editing it as I go. When I moved forward – the previous chapter was done, I put on it the yellow status “Ready, reread :)” (in Scrivener it’s such fun to add these customized labels and add them! One of my favorite toys :) I have these label colors showing up in Binder, so I see immediately, what’s ready and what’s not.)

    And today I felt like writing drafts and moving forward, no editing! I will see how it works forward, but it contributes to writing freer, too, and to overall feeling freer, too.

  • Even realizing these goals was so refreshing, triggering, exciting, focusing! I’m glad I came here. :)

I wrote today to the music of my precious Fragrance of Dark Coffee:

(“Godot – The Fragrance Of Dark Coffee – Rain + Fire Ambiance”: video)

Here is a longer version.

And (not “but”, by Bashar!) I also created yesterday a playlist on YouTube, including many clips on Writing – mostly from Abraham-Hicks, very inspiring! You’re welcome to use it: